I made this mistake for years…
In my head, I used to think, “I can tap that person, I deserve a higher belt…”
It’s common sense, right?
We’d line up before and after class, I’d look to my left, my right; look at others belts and constantly compare. There were people I’d beaten just moments earlier: pinned, submitted, out struck, but they were all higher belts than me.
As an athletic teenager, I’d run rings around the higher belts during karate kumite (sparring), I was stronger, more flexible and faster.
I got my black belt in under 3 years but, in my mind, I should’ve got it sooner. Before others!
We’d go on to grading’s and I’d pass but so would they – their level, always out of reach.
How was this fair?
I’d train more frequently, more intensely, I’d even train after work whilst they sat in the bar as the centre was closing. Yet, still, I’d remain a ‘kohai‘ or junior grade to people I was, in my mind, better than. If rank was a thing and I was clearly better, why were they higher belts than me?
I distinctly remember being in my early twenties, training upwards of five days per week and twice per day on both Saturday and Sunday, every week – without fail.
I’d do extra workouts outside of the dojo, skip university to drive up and down the country to attend seminars, I’d traveled to the the United States and across Europe to get the very best tuition and still people would get promoted above me.
In Jiu Jitsu, in front of the whole class, I was once told I wouldn’t be getting a promotion. No ifs, no buts. Not this time.
Seriously, what was going on?
The problem, I’d later come to understand, was my maturity.
It isn’t about being better!
My whole schema was based on performance, and in a meritocracy based on ranks I couldn’t understand why (in my eyes) mediocrity was being rewarded.
The problem wasn’t mediocrity.
The problem, I’d later come to understand, was my ego.
People engage in Jiu Jitsu, in any martial art for that mater, for a whole host of reasons and at our academy there are probably more reasons than people. Fitness, confidence, self defence; that’s just the main three, but where ranks are used and so clearly on display, hierarchy [and comparison] becomes a thing, at some stage, for everybody.
Don’t make the same mistake I did.
I see people, everyday, falling into the very same trap I did, looking to the left, looking to the right. This is never good.
I see people eye’s glance down at visitors belts to see how many stripes they have, to gauge, to assess, to compare…
Jiu Jitsu is a long journey, keep your eyes on the road. Your road.
There are many aspects that go into a promotion.
- How far can an individual take that belt?
- What is that person doing to ensure they are becoming the best version of themselves at that belt?
- How much more potential does someone have at their current level?
Then there are the expectations that come with each belt.
The black belt, for example: is that person able to teach what they know? Are they someone that can be looked up to as an example? Do they actually have skill or is success based on their attributes?
This isn’t about attributes. This isn’t about being better.
When you reach the black belt, you want to look back and celebrate your time, your journey.
Know you put your ladder against the correct wall, your wall; not somebody else’s. You’ll want to know you didn’t waste any time wondering about others and their journey; focusing your attention on someone else’s development.
So what changed all of this for me?
In short, a frank conversation.
A while back, as a black belt, I mentioned how someone I knew had gone to black belt very quick, it seemed they “were only a purple a few months ago” and in my eyes not a good one.
The response I got back:
“bro, why do you care?
Don’t worry about it. How does that affect you? Concentrate on you!”
It was only then that I realised I’d been focusing on others more than myself. I was in this constant race to be at the front. It took someone I had huge amounts of respect for to tell me.
What do I do now?
Everyday, without fail, I concentrate on being the best version of myself I can be. Yes, I have my purpose as a school owner and responsibilities as a coach to ensure goals are realised and standards are met, but from the moment I tie my belt I am all in on self-focus and you should be the same.
Jiu Jitsu is a long journey, keep your eyes on the road!